Port Authorities Defeat Harrisburg 273-44
Bout Re-cap by Milhouse Van Bouten
Maine Roller Derby’s All-Stars returned home to Portland… with authority.
April 25, 2010 marked the first home bout of the season for Maine’s Port Authorities, still stinging from a decisive loss in Steel City. Harrisburg Area Roller Derby’s Nuclear Knockouts radiated into the Portland Expo, also fresh off a loss to the DC Rollergirls All-Stars. Both teams were hungry for a victory to turn their seasons around.
Whistles blew, and the ladies in neon green sought to establish the pace early by sending jammer Rainbow’s Revenge to the front first and earning the first lead jam. However, Port Authorities jammer Grim D. Mise quickly tailed and overtook Revenge, making it to the back of the pack first and scoring 5 points to the Nuclear Knockout’s 2.
This was not the start that the Knockouts were looking for, and they seemingly amped up the physicality in an attempt to re-establish the fleeting control they had in the first jam. In jam 2, Nuclear Knockout’s Anita Blade landed an impressively crushing sternum block to Port Authorities jammer Shirley B. Slammin’, dropping her dead in her tracks. Much to the Knockout’s dismay, the shot only seemed to motivate Miss Slammin’, and with the KO’s jammer Skate Edge sent to the box on a major cut, Shirley was able to make 4 passes for 20 points, establishing a new MRD record for points in an official jam and sending the crowd into a frenzy.
Things only seemed to get harder for the Knockouts as the Authorities players gelled together and began feeding off the excitement of the loyal home crowd. Minor penalties began to rack up on the Knockouts scoresheet as they began throwing everything they could at the Port Authorities in a desperate attempt to break their rhythm. Neve Cannibal, Rainbow’s Revenge and Auska the Ouch provided some much needed offense for the Knockouts in jams 4, 6, and 8 respectively, but were continually drowned out by stellar jamming from Maine’s Itsy Bitsy Fighter, Olive Spankins, Grim D. Mise, Killer Quick, and Shirley B. Slammin’. Midway through the first half, Maine’s defense clamped in as well. Pivots Punchy O’ Guts, Itsy Bitsy Fighter, Killer Quick and Fist City Kitty led their blocking lines effectively and kept the Knockouts to 2 points in the last 8 jams of the first half. The score at halftime was 148-23.
After the intermission, the Knockouts, realizing they had to get something going and living up to their pre-bout mantra to play “HARD,” were not going down without a fight. With nothing to lose, the physical game was spiked yet again at the start of the second half. Minor and major penalties practically spilled off the page, however the KO’s strategy did provide some success as Zinnemon Crush, Skate Edge, Auska the Ouch and Madhouse Mexi picked up at least 1 point in the first 6 jams of the second half. Unfortunately for the rallying Knockouts, the Port Authorities were easily making up for those points during those same jams, highlighted most noticeably by veteran Maine jammer Olive Spankins decimating the defense for 24 points while opposing jammer Skate Edge was serving time in the box. The jam set a new MRD record for points in a jam, taking the title from Shirley B. Slammin’, who had earned it herself 17 jams prior.
As the Nuclear Knockouts minors and major penalties added up and began leaving them shorthanded for extended periods of time, their hard-hitting strategy seemed to fall apart and the Port Authorities began ticking point after unanswered point in front of the ecstatic crowd. Frustrations may have gotten the best of the Knockouts during the bout, but as the final jam wound down, they exhibited the camaraderie and respect that comes with being a true derby team, and were deservedly applauded by the Maine crowd for their efforts. The packed house got all of their money’s worth as the Port Authorities improved their season record to 1–1, and both teams put on an excellent show. Final score: 273-44.
Top Scorers:
Nuclear Knockouts: Auska the Ouch (12)
Port Authorities: Grim D. Mise (89)
Most Valuable Players:
Nuclear Knockouts: Skate Edge
Port Authorities: Punchy O’ Guts
Port Authorities Roster:
Crystal Whip | Fist City Kitty | Grim D. Mise | Itsy Bitsy Fighter | Killer Quick | Lez Lemon | Lois Blow | Olive Spankins | Punchy O’Guts | The Rehabiliskater | Shirley B. Slammin’ | WrexZilla
H.A.R.D Roster:
Anida Blade | Auska the Ouch | Bamm Bamm Brewskie | Kraze Bones | Lady of Blocksley | Madhouse Mexi | Merry Khaos | Neve Cannibal | Rainbows Revenge | Ruthless Sailor | Skate Edge | Trixie Twelve Gauge | Zinnemon Crush
