Port Authorities 231, Wall Street Traitors 109
Bout re-cap by Milhouse Van Bouten
June 5th 2010 was the day, Happy Wheels the place. Maine’s All-Star Port Authorities hosted a public scrimmage at their home away from home for the first time. The quarters were somewhat cramped but loaded with die-hard fans of the white and navy blue itching to see their home team continue the steamroll pace they had set in April with a monster victory over Harrisburg, PA’s Nuclear Knockouts. However, Maine’s opponents would not be intimidated. Straight from WFTDA Eastern Conference #1 ranked Gotham City, the Wall Street Traitors arrived with several of their own all-stars in uniform. After dropping a March bout to the Tuscon Saddletramps and another loss to the Queen City Furies in April, Wall Street was more than ready to turn their bear market of a season into a bull, and fully intended to leave Maine with a better portfolio. The skies opened up outside and the skaters lined up for their first jam. Though Happy Wheels kept out the rain, no one was safe from the storm brewing inside it.
Wall Street left a harsh first impression and took control of the early game. Gotham All-Star jammer Hyper Lynx made it through the pack first on the initial jam, although not legally, but was still able to rack up 8 points before Maine’s Grim D. Mise could call it with 3 of her own. Anne Frankenstein would grab the next lead as jammer for Wall Street over Maine’s Shirley B. Slammin’, whom she physically towered over, and outscore her 4 points to 2. Wall Street seemingly was getting the matchups they needed to hold a healthy pace over the struggling Port Authorities.
At the 5th jam, the Port Authorities were looking for a way to right the ship. Veteran Maine skater and co-captain Killer Quick jammed and forced her way up to the front. Killer, whose petite frame looks to be built for speed, squashed the final Traitors defender with deceptive strength for the jam lead and skated on for 18 points; the third-highest scoring jam of the night and 10 more than her jamming opponent. Killer’s overpowering counter-block grabbed everyone’s attention and was just the shift of momentum that the Port Authorities were looking for.
photo by Brianne SeekinsMaine’s Port Authorities followed their leader’s example and commanded the next 7 jams. Maine jammers Grim D. Mise, Spry Icicle, Shirley B. Slammin’, and co-captains Itsy Bitsy Fighter and Killer Quick combined for 53 points while the Traitors’ Double Clutch, Anne Frankenstein, Care Bear Scare and Hyper Lynx earned 11. The Traitors had to fight for every one of those 11 points as the Port Authorities blockers found their footing and locked in defensively. Maine’s Itsy Bitsy Fighter and Fist City Kitty worked together to keep Wall Street’s Double Clutch off the scoreboard for 2 jams. Returning Port Authorities blocker Patty O’Mean shook off the rink rust and blasted both Anne Frankenstein and Straight Razor in two separate jams, sending them both to the floor and garnering massive applause from the crowd ecstatic to see her back in action.
But it would not last forever. As some Maine skaters began showing signs of pain from such a rapid, smash-mouth pace, Wall Street took their opportunity to counter-punch. Ginger Snap and Greta Turbo landed a heavy shot on Maine’s Porsche DRail Yah, which appeared to be the start of the wind coming out of the Port Authorities’ sails. The pace was roughly evened through the rest of the first half, which ended with the score of 89 – 53 in favor of the home team.
Wall Street put their plan of attack into effect at the very first jam of the second half. Hyper Lynx was lined up as a blocker on the wrong half of the track, earning an intentional 4th minor and serving a minute in the box. It was clear the intent was to wipe her minor penalty slate clean and use her as their main offensive weapon, most likely since she established her ability to outskate Maine’s fastest speed demon Grim D. Mise in the initial jam of the bout. But was it going to work? The two rivals lined up on the jammer line for the very next jam, but plans fell through for the Traitors as Grim D. Mise gave Hyper Lynx a taste of her own medicine. In a role reversal from the first jam of the bout, it was Grim who would make it through the pack first, not legally, but scoring 9 points before Lynx could gain lead and call it with 3.
An unexpected turn of events would further throw the Traitors game plan off. They simply could not get Hyper Lynx back on the track enough. Traitors jammers Dainty Inferno, Double Clutch and Care Bear Scare all served extended penalties in the box that not only negated their own jamming skills, but tied up the star helmet cover at a point where Wall Street was most desperate for offense. Meanwhile, in jam 4, Grim D. Mise would give nameLes and Greta Turbo the slip and earn lead jam, as well as scoring 20 points. Following that, Maine’s Olive Spankins, who had been struggling with penalties throughout the first half, absolved her previous infractions by repeating her MRD record-setting jam from April, skating for another 24 points in a single jam. With Maine’s offense banging on all cylinders through the first half of period 2, they established a seemingly insurmountable lead.
photo by Brianne SeekinsWall Street would play to the finish, keeping the bout exciting to the very end. Traitors’ Care Bear Scare caught Itsy Bitsy Fighter with a brutal hit that left Fighter unable to continue the jam. As the storm outside picked up and the thunder rumbled, a power outage darkened the building in the middle of jam 14. Undaunted, the skaters resumed as the lights returned. During the final jam, the Traitors’ Dainty Inferno scored an impressive 13 points, but by then, Maine’s lead was just too much. Maine’s Port Authorities earned a definitive win over their impressive visitors, the Wall Street Traitors, and established themselves as a team ready to compete with the highest caliber. Final Score: 231 – 109.
Top Scorers
Wall Street Traitors – Hyper Lynx (43)
Port Authorities – Grim D. Mise (87)
Most Valueable Players
Wall Street Traitors – Anne Frankenstein
Port Authorities – Grim D. Mise
Wall Street Traitors Roster:
Anne Frankenstein | Bunny McBones | Care Bear Scare | Dainty Inferno | Double Clutch | GalXC | Ginger Snap | Greta Turbo | Hyper Lynx | nameLes | Stevie Kicks | Straight Razor
Port Authorities Roster:
Crystal Whip | Fist City Kitty | Grim D. Mise | Itsy Bitsy Fighter | Killer Quick | Li’l Punisher | Olive Spankins | Patty O’Mean | Porsche DRail Yah | Punchy O’Guts | Shirley B. Slammin’ | Spry Icicle
