Calamity Janes pop the Cherry Bombs
June 4, 2011 | Portland Expo | Bout Recap by Punchy O’Guts
After a big loss to Providence Killah Bees, the Calamity Janes kicked up their training in anticipation of a bout against NHRD’s home team, the Queen City Cherry Bombs. The Janes lost several players to injury just before the bout – A-Block, Double-Tap, Alice Saltya – not to mention the two injured all season (Pepper Jacked and Porsche D’Rail Yah), but with rookies Kissy Kicks and Mother Bones, the Janes were confident in their remaining talent.
Heading into the bout, the Janes were favored to win. Both teams played Granite State Roller Derby last month. The Janes won 133-53, while the Cherry Bombs took a loss.
In the first jam Maine’s Kissy Kicks went up against NH’s maKILLA, who took a quick lead with Kissy trailing a few strides behind. Killa hit the pack and picked up four points. She tried to call off the jam, but her jam ref didn’t see her signal. Another official blew a whistle to send a blocker to the box, which Killa thought had been for her. Considering the jam ref didn’t end the jam when she called it, it’s easy to see how things got hairy. After Killa realized she wasn’t out on a major, she quickly called off the jam, but not before both teams had scored four points each.
In the next jam, NH’s Prissassin took the lead jammer status and scored four points while Maine’s Crazy Buchanan found herself caught behind NH blockers. Crazy finally broke the pack and followed Prissassin, who called off the jam before Crazy got close to scoring. This was the first and only time NH had a lead on Maine.
In the third jam, Kissy tied the score at 8-8 and called it. Over the next five jams, Maine racked up 29 points, while NH scored only in the eighth jam when Kissy was late to call off the jam, allowing Prissassin to snatch up four points. The rest of the period saw both Maine and NH jammers trading seats in the penalty box – Maine three trips and NH four trips. In this power jam showdown, it was anyone’s game, however the Janes blockers only gave away 7 points and NH gave away 55. The period ended 92-19.
photo by Scott Lovejoy
The second period played out much like the first with the penalty box seeing more action than the track at times. NH was unable to push past Maine’s back wall, which opened just a hair for their jammers and slammed shut just in time to lock out the NH jammers. If NH jammers shimmied through to freedom, Maine blockers Mae Snap or Mother Bones were quick to race up and rail a helmet-shattering block that forced her to start all over again.
With a little less than four minutes left, NH called a time-out. Refueled by the connection, the Cherry Bombs headed into the next jam determined to end on a high note. Though maKILLA didn’t earn lead, she jetted just behind Kissy and passed her, forcing her to call the jam.
In the next jam, NH jammer Liv N. Fear took a hard fall during her initial pass, allowing Crazy Buchanan to squeeze through and head in for an easy scoring pass. NH blockers weren’t having it, and they railed on Crazy while Fear fought her way through the pack and toward a scoring pass. With an assist from WrexZilla, Crazy escaped the pack and tried to catch Fear, who scooped up one point before Crazy called the jam.
In the final jam, the crowd saw a replay of the first jam with maKilla and Kissy on the jammer line and maKilla taking lead. But this time Kissy was sent to the box and MaKIlla scored four points before Kissy returned. The bout ended with the Calamity Janes 216, Queen City Cherry Bombs 26.
photo by Scott Lovejoy
MVPs
Janes: Mae Snap
Cherry Bombs: maKILLA
Top Scorers
Janes: Kissy Kicks | 79 pts
Cherry Bombs: maKILLA | 18 pts
Janes Roster
Mae Snap | Lady GayGay | Mother Bones | Maulie MacKillem’ | Lez Lemon | Dollipops | T-Storm | Gunner Hands-Off | Cherry Clobber | WrexZilla | Kissy Kicks | Crazy Buchanan
Cherry Bombs Roster
JPOWW | Haemony Lix | maKILLA | Vintage Venom | Hoebo Peep | Crueliette Lewis | Trina Trioxin | N. Raging Grace | Bette Thistlehurt | Ethel Lynn Oxide | Miss Chiff N Mayhem | Liv N. Fear
