Calamity Janes 246, Bangor Roller Derby 98
Calamity Janes vs Bangor Roller Derby | February 16, 2013 | Happy Wheels Skate Center, Portland, Maine | Bout Recap by Milhouse Van Bouten
They’re baaaaaaaaaack…. Maine Roller Derby is back for a 2013 season that is sure to be unlike any other. The introduction of the WFTDA competitive divisions system and no-minors ruleset has all but shattered the mold set during the last year and drastically changed the landscape that MRD competes upon. MRD now finds themselves ranked atop the Eastern D2 Division with a solid chance of retaining the title over the course of the coming year. Combine this with a league roster full of new blood and energy, and you have a roller derby season of epic proportions on the horizon.
The season began February 16th at Happy Wheels in Portland with Maine Roller Derby’s annual “Hate the Love” bout, named to dishonor the sappy sweet affection of Valentine’s day in favor of public displays of destruction. The Calamity Janes’ collective date for the event was Bangor Roller Derby, a league especially close to MRD’s heart as they share the same goals of spreading the special style of competition and camaraderie that is roller derby throughout the state of Maine. With this in mind, both teams came prepared to dish out some tough love.
Both teams began the bout with solid, hard-hitting defense that kept the scoring to a minimum. Calamity Janes’ blockers Margot Tenenbomb and View Grind’er combined to spoil the romance for Bangor jammer Hammerdown jam three, while Bangor blocker Cereal Suicide returned the favor to Janes jammer Wilykat in the following jam. The teams traded points relatively evenly until CJ’s Rehabiliskater took advantage of a power jam to score 20-0 in jam six. After a quick counter attack by BRD’s DZ scoring 4-0 in jam seven, CJs rookie jammer Zeldangerous (in her first competition jam ever) took advantage of another power jam by slamming down a whopping 25-0 in jam eight over BRD’s Starluna Tic, who made an impressive spin move herself to break the pack after serving a penalty and capping Zeldangerous’ total. Bangor weathered the storm and continued to strike back, eventually wrestling momentum away from the Janes and earning seven leads in the last nine jams, chipping away at the CJs lead. By halftime, the score was 104 – 48 in favor of the Janes.
Bangor’s star jammer DZ picked up where BRD had left off in the first jam of the second half, scoring 5-0 over the Rehabiliskater. The Bangor defense also stepped up in jam two, holding CJ jammer Wilykat to only 9 points and killing off a full minute powerjam. Despite gaining traction, penalties continued to plague Bangor and the Calamity Janes would eventually find ways to capitalize. After absorbing a massive hit delivered by Bangor’s InfraRed, the CJs other rookie jammer Nutritional Beast still managed to score 15-0 over BRD’s Starluna Tic on yet another power jam in jam four. CJ blocker Curve Appeal temporarily disabled BRD’s best jamming weapon DZ by drawing a cut penalty in jam six, allowing Nutritional Beast to land a crushing 30-4 blow. Bangor’s grip continued to slip away for the rest of the game as the CJs took control. After Wilykat spiked another 25-0 points in jam 13, the game was all but over. At the end of the love rollercoaster, the Calamity Janes were victorious, 246 – 98.
Top Scorers
Calamity Janes: Nutritional Beast (88)
Bangor Roller Derby: DZ (46)
Most Valuable Jammers
Calamity Janes: Zeldangerous
Bangor Roller Derby: DZ
Most Valuable Blockers
Calamity Janes: Curve Appeal
Bangor Roller Derby: InfraRed
Calamity Janes Roster
Curve Appeal | Dubliner Broozes | Eva LaDiva | Gunner Hands-Off | Hans YOLO | Kirsten Damned | Margot Tenenbomb | Nutritional Beast | Rehabiliskater | Tokyo Rollz | View Grind’er | Vintage Venom | WilyKat | Zeldangerous | Byte Size Bandit (alt) | Cabbage Smash Kid (alt)
Bangor Roller Derby Roster
Detention Zone | 50 Shades of Gay | Cereal Suicide | Eva B. Villain | FanTa***tic | Fist O’Voodoo | Hammerdown | InfraRed | Kountry Slamma | Kruel Lala | McMelon Smasher | Microphone Assassin | Nefarious Fox | Obnocks-us | Starluna Tic | Upskirts Chorizo
