Calamity Janes 178, Yankee Brutals 101
THE CALAMITY JANES VS THE YANKEE BRUTALS | APRIL 27, 2013 | THE PORTLAND EXPO | BOUT RECAP BY JIMMY ROLLSOME
The Portland Expo welcomed back Maine Roller for their first double header event, with live music entertainment by celtic-punk rock band The Pubcrawlers. The first bout of the evening saw MRD’s own Calamity Janes taking on the Yankee Brutals, B-Team of the CT Rollergirls. The bout saw both teams equally matched with tight gaps between the jammers that resulted in many “hit it and quit it” jams and many scoreless jams. Crazy Buchanan and Princess LayHer Out were rostered the Janes’ lineup for the first time this season.
The Janes took the lead in the first jam as Eva LaDiva scored quickly and called the jam off, 4-0. The Janes started the next jam short-handed, as Margot Tenenbomb had been assessed an out of play penalty previously, and CT’s Dee Nasty earned a power jam after MRD’s Nutritional Beast went to the box for a track cut. After WilyKat picked up a quick three points for the Janes in jam three, Zeldangerous wore the star, picking up 11 of her 66 points. Two natural grand slams were made possible for Zeldangerous when CTRG’s Puke Skywalker could not get past the Janes’ formidable wall of Eva LaDiva, Princess LayHer Out, Margot Tenenbomb, and The Rehabiliskater. After Nutritional Beast again went to the box for a track cut, CT jammer Dee Nasty earned a crucial 19 points to keep the visiting team in the lead. Eva LaDiva picked up 3 of her 40 points for the Janes in jam 9 with CT’s Kitty Bomb sneaking four points as the jam ended. Jam 10 saw the Janes’ WilyKat headed to the box on a track cut, giving CT’s Flash Gorgeous the power jam, putting ten points on the board until going to the box herself for an illegal procedure penalty. WilyKat picked up three points after coming out of the box to make the score 28-42 in favor of the CT Yankee Brutals.
Kirsten Damned jammed for the Janes in Jam 11 and earned 10 points on a power jam. Dee Nasty picked up lead jammer for CT in jam 14, but a hard hit by opposing jammer, Eva LaDiva, forced her to call off the jam before any points could be scored. Kilty Pleasure picked up lead jammer status for CT, but Crazy Buchanan, View Grind’er, Tokyo Rollz, and The Rehabiliskater protected their points while Jane’s jammer Zeldangerous closed the gap and snuck in 3 points as the jam was being called off. Gunner Hands-Off, Hans YOLO, Princess LayHer Out, and View Grind’er tied up CTRG’s jammer, Banana SlamHer, to allow Eva LaDiva nine unanswered points. Puke Skywalker picked up lead jammer status for CT with the Janes still short-handed, scoring 4 points, but Kirsten Damned hustled 3 points for the Janes as the jam was being called off. Going into halftime the Calamity Janes barely held the lead over the Yankee Brutals, 68-55.
The teams took to the track for the second half with the last notes of The Pubcrawlers still ringing, and the Janes looking to build on the momentum gained in the closing minutes of the first half. Eva LaDiva picked up lead jammer status right away, after Margot Tenenbomb knocked out and recycled CT’s jammer, and went on to pick up nine points in the first jam. After CT’s Dee Nasty picked up a natural grand slam in jam 5, the Janes sent out Kirsten Damned against Kitty Bomb for jam 6. Kristen Damned responded with two natural grand slams, as Kitty Bomb was being punished by the Janes’ blockers Crazy Buchanan, Margot Tenenbomb, Tokyo Rollz, and The Rehabiliskater. The Calamity Janes had extended their lead to 89-64.
Two minutes doesn’t sound like a long time, but the Janes and CT’s jammers, Princess LayHer Out and Flash Gorgeous, would disagree, because in jam 7 neither team picked up lead status, resulting in lots of physical play from both team’s blockers. Banana SlamHer had been assessed a forearm penalty during jam 8, so Eva LaDiva started jam 9 on a power jam for the Janes. She responded with three grand slams, as Gunner Hands-Off, Nutritional Beast, Tokyo Rollz, and Dubliner Broozes controlled the pace of the pack. In jam eleven a track cut by the Janes’ jammer, Kirsten Damned, gave CT the power jam with Banana SlamHer picking up four points followed by Kilty Pleasure picking up ten additional points in the following jam, calling it off before Kirsten Damned could make a scoring pass. The score now stood at 123-89 still in favor of the Calamity Janes.
Jam 12 saw Zeldangerous having the jam of the night for the Janes. After Eva LaDiva, Margot Tenenbomb, Tokyo Rollz, and Princess LayHer Out cleared the way for her to pick up lead jammer status, she scored a natural grand slam just before CT’s jammer, Puke Skywalker, was sent to the penalty box for a forearm. Zeldangerous earned 25 points in total during her power jam before calling it off. For the remainder of the game, The Calamity Janes would employ strong defense to lock down the Yankee Brutals’ jammers, while the Janes’ jammers continued scoring a handful of points before CT could score a single one. Flash Gorgeous showed great fortitude in jam 19 after having her nose bloodied while trying to make her initial pass through the pack. She toughed it out and valiantly pursued the Janes’ jammer WilyKat, who earned 9 points for the Janes. The last jam of the bout saw Tokyo Rollz, Gunner Hand-Off, Princess LayHer Out, and Crazy Buchanan refusing CT’s Puke Skywalker, allowing Nutritional Beast to pick up lead status for the Janes. A smart bridge by Crazy Buchanan helped the Janes’ blockers dictate the pace of the pack, as Nutritional Beast picked up two natural grand slams, while still denying any points to Skywalker. With the last whistle, The Calamity Janes held the win over the Yankee Brutals 178-101 in what was a great bout filled strong defense and smart offense. The teams took their laps and The Pubcrawlers took the stage, as the Port Authorities and CT All-Stars warmed up for the second bout of the night. I could get used to these double headers.
Top Scorers
The Calamity Janes: Zeldangerous (66)
The Yankee Brutals: Dee Nasty (24)
Most Valuable Jammers
The Calamity Janes: Zeldangerous
The Yankee Brutals: Flash Gorgeous
Most Valuable Blockers
The Calamity Janes: Gunner hands-Off
The Yanke Brutals: Revengela
Calamity Janes Roster
Cabbage Smash Kid | Crazy Buchanan | Curve Appeal | Dubliner Broozes | Eva LaDiva | Gunner Hands-Off | Hans YOLO | Kirsten Damned | Margot Tenenbomb | Nutritional Beast | Princess LayHer Out | The Rehabiliskater | Tokyo Rollz | View Grinder | WilyKat | Zeldangerous
Yankee Brutals Roster
Banana SlamHer | Dee Nasty | Flash Gorgeous | JK Elemenopee | Killty Pleasure | Kitty Bomb | Mama Ho-Tep | Natasha Fatality | Ouching Tiger | Puke Skywalker | Punchie Bruiser | Revengela
