Calamity Janes 171, Salty Broads 194
The Calamity Janes vs the Salty Broads | April 13, 2013 | Happy Wheels Skate Center, Portland, Maine | Bout Recap by Jimmy Rollsome
Maine Roller Derby returned to Happy Wheels on Saturday April 13, 2013, with Shoreline Roller Derby’s Salty Broads making the trip up from Connecticut to face the Calamity Janes (CJ). The Janes had previously triumphed over Shoreline at the All 8 On the Floor Tournament in Worcester last August and so The Salty Broads (SB) came into town with something to prove.
The bout started off with CJ’s WilyKat sneaking in 2 points before SB’s Katniss Everspeed could called off the jam, 2-0. In the second jam, the Janes had penalty troubles, with Tokyo Rollz, View Grind’er and Margot Tenebomb all taking trips to the box. CJ’s jammer Nutritional Beast also visited the box on a track cut, giving the Salty Broads the opportunity to pick up 15 points. The Broads capitalized on the early CJ penalties to drive the score to 36-2 by the end of the jam five. Jams six through thirteen saw strong defense on both sides, but the speed of SB’s jammers kept the Janes from scoring points when they had lead status by closing the gap quickly and forcing the jams to be called off 0-0.
As Calamity Janes jammers The Rehabiliskater, Nutritional Beast, and WilyKat put points on the board for the Janes, Salty Broads responded with Katniss Everspeed and Painya Collida. The end of jam thirteen saw the score 59-17 in favor of the Salty Broads. Eva Ladiva wore the star for the Janes on the fourteenth jam facing off against Squeaky Van Hurtin and picked up lead jammer status. Squeaky was called on a forearm penalty, giving Eva a 20-point power jam as Janes blockers WilyKat, Tokyo Rollz, Margot Tenenbomb, and Gunner Hands-Off slowed the pack for her, enabling Eva to even jump the apex during one of her scoring passes. After that the score was 59-37 and the Janes continued building momentum. Nutritional Beast picked up a quick 2 points in jam fourteen after taking the inside and getting lead jammer over Painya Collida, while SB’s Katniss Everspeed picked up a four points in jam fifteen.
Jam seventeen was huge for the Janes, as a track cut by Squeaky Van Hurtin gave Margot Tenenbomb a power jam. Wily Kat, Hans Yolo, Tokyo Rollz, and Dubliner Broozes controlled the pace of the pack, allowing Margot to pick up 20 more points for the Janes, closing the gap to only 9 points. Nutritional Beast picked up 7 points, and now The Salty Broad’s once formidable lead had been reduced to just 2 points. After a big pileup in jam nineteen a track cut was called on the Janes’ jammer WilyKat, giving SB’s a power jam with one of their top jammers. Painya Collida made the most of it and picked up 20 points to widen the gap 88-66.
The Janes were held scoreless in jams twenty and twenty-one, as SB’s took the outside line with Katniss Everspeed picking up four points and Squeaky Van Hurtin picking up two. Kirsten Damned wore the star for the Janes in jam twenty-two tearing through the pack and scoring 4 unanswered points. The last jam of the period saw Eva Ladiva squaring off against SB’s Katniss Everspeed. WilyKat, with the assist, brought Eva to lead jammer status and Katniss went to the box for a track cut to give the Janes a power jam that could finally lower the point differential. Eva put up 9 points before being assessed a track cut of her own, giving Katniss room to score 11 points of her own to end the first period with the score at 105-79 in favor of Shoreline Roller Derby’s Salty Broads.
Eva Ladiva stepped up to the line for the Janes for the first jam of the second half while CJ’s blocker Margot Tenenbomb tied up SB’s jammer Painya to allow Eva to pick up lead jammer and score a quick 4 points. In jam two the Salty Broads’ Squeaky Van Hurtin put 20 points on the board during a power jam after a track cut sent Nutrititional Beast to the penalty box. Eva capitalized on both teams being down two blockers in jam three to put up 4 quick points and call it before Katniss Everspeed had the chance to make a scoring pass. The Janes defense held SB’s scoreless in jams four and five with Margot Tenenbomb’s skilled blocking and well-placed hits, allowing Wily Kat to score 4 points. CJ’s Nutritional Beast picked up 15 points during a power jam to help close the gap. With twenty-two minutes left the score was 125-106, with the Janes catching up.
Jam seven saw the Salty Broad’s lineup having penalty trouble, as Kirsten Damned picked up 24 points on a power jam for the Janes. With the score now 135-130, Nutritional Beast put on the star once more, hoping to regain the lead. CJ’s blocker Margot Tenenbomb forced a track cut on the opposing jammer, giving the Janes a 10-point power jam as WilyKat cleared the way for Beast. Finally in their favor, the score was 140-138.
With fourteen minutes left the Salty Broads now held the lead at 156-140. Kirsten Damned had the star for the Janes in jam ten, which saw her chasing down SB’s Katniss Everspeed and forcing the jam to be called before a full scoring pass was earned. Eva Ladiva scored 4, to Painya Collida’s 2 points, after helping herself by taking out Shocka Swan hard to fire up the crowd. Hit and runs were the theme of jams thirteen and fourteen, which saw Kirsten Damned again pressuring SB’s Katniss Everspeed into calling the jam after only 4 points, and WilyKat taking lead jammer status for the Janes earning a quick 4 points to bring the score to 162-151 still in favor of SB. In jam fifteen Katniss Everspeed picked up a low block after scoring 9 points for Shoreline, while Kirsten Damned managed to pick up 5 for the Janes.
Eva Ladiva started jam sixteen on the power jam for the Janes, but Katniss Everspeed came out of the penalty box to pick up lead jammer and put up 4 points to Eva’s 1. More hit and run offense in jam seventeen with Painya Collida hanging back at the line to allow the SB blockers to create an opening while also holding the Janes jammer, WilyKat, allowing Painya to pick up lead jammer status and 3 points. With five minutes left the Salty Broads were in the lead 178-157. Eva Ladiva took lead status over Everspeed and won the jam 3-0.
Kirsten Damned wore the star for the Janes in jam nineteen picking up 4 points, while Painya Collida was tied up by Dubliner Broozes and Tokyo Rollz but still managed 2 points before the jam was called. Eva Ladiva grabbed a quick 4 points for the Janes in jam twenty to give the crowd some hope, while Margot Tenenbomb, Gunner Hand-Off, Em Vincible, and View Grind’er prevented Katniss Everspeed from making a scoring pass. With one minute remaining the Salty Broads held the lead 180-168. For the last jam of the game the Janes sent out WilyKat, while SB sent Painya Collida to the line. Painya Collida again hung back after the whistle to allow her blockers to create an opening and she quickly raced off picking up lead jammer status before Wily could make it through the SB’s wall. Painya Collida picked up 14 points to WilyKat’s 3 and with the final whistle SB had held on for the win 194-171. When is the rematch?
Top Scorers
The Calamity Janes: Eva LaDiva (49)
The Salty Broads: Katniss Everspeed (69)
Most Valuable Jammers
The Calamity Janes: Eva Ladiva
The Salty Broads: Painya Collida
Most Valuable Blockers
The Calamity Janes: Gunner Hands-Off
The Salty Broads: Toni Montana
Calamity Janes Roster
Byte Size Bandit | Cabbage Smash Kid | Dubliner Broozes | EmVincible | Eva LaDiva | Gunner Hands Off | Hans Yolo | Half-Pint Hellcat | Kirsten Damned | Margot Tenenbomb | Nutritional Beast | The Rehabiliskater | Tokyo Rollz | View Grind’er | Vintage Venom | WilyKat
Salty Broads Roster
Betty Schnockered | Britney’s Fears | Cut Throat Catt | Evol Betty | GI Jos | Jonestown Massacre | Katniss Everspeed | Loretta Sinn | Nduce N Agony | Painya Collida | Sass E Smaxx | Scrumdog Millionaire | Shocka Swan | Squeaky Van Hurtin’ | Toni Montana
