Calamity Janes Over NE Ohio 121-25
The Expo stands were filled with an expectant crowd on Saturday, April 11, 2009, when the Calamity Janes rolled out in their snappy red-and-white uniforms for their first home game of 2009. The Janes were fresh off a very strong win at an away bout against the Morristown Madams (30 – 116), and were also sporting a roster with two brand new and very strong additions – jammer phenoms Shirley B Slammin’ and Grim D Mise, both skaters who joined the league a mere 4 months prior. The team was primed and ready to take on their worthy competitors, the Northeast Ohio Rock’n’Roller Girls out of Akron, Ohio. NEO was also fresh off a victory, in their case a two-point nail-biter win against Demolition City Roller Derby in March.
Ohio hit the scoreboard first with jammer Teeny Houdini taking a quick 5-point jam over the Janes’ Shirley B. Slammin’. Ohio’s effective all-defense strategy in the first jam was quickly tested by the Janes blockers starting in jam two, when the Janes’ other brand new jamming weapon, Grim D. Mise, grabbed her own grand slam to tie the board 5-5.
In jam three the Janes’ The Zipper chalked up four against Chrissie B. Hynde using her signature long-legged gait and surprising hops through the pack, and the next jam Shirley really started putting the hurt on with a 9-pointer against Twin Pistol. From there on out the Janes all but shut down the Ohio jammers, playing extremely effective defense and regularly taking jammers and blockers alike down to that shiny wooden Expo floor and creating plenty of opportunity for the Janes’ trio of jammers to rack ‘em up.
In the fifth jam Grim was sent to the box as a jammer for a major track cutting penalty and NEO was able to take advantage of this and score 3 points with jammer Amy Warhol N. However this led to a surprisingly fruitful follow-up jam when Grim started in the box, but the powerful Janes’ pack of Wrex Zilla, Jenni-vicious, Trouble & Strife, and Fist City Kitty were able to hold NEO jammer Houdini in the pack long enough for Grim to be set free, secure lead jammer, and then secure one grand slam before finally losing Houdini during Grim’s second scoring pass, putting the score at 31-8. The Janes continued to hold NEO scoreless for six more jams until Phantom Fox marked three points against Grim in jam 13. The half ended 73-11.
The second period saw the Janes steadily slamming more points onto the scoreboard. Janes blocker Jenni-vicious continued to prove herself a great friend to jammers with very steady and savvy assists, while Fist City Kitty and Terror Byte showed their chops as pivots and Chantel Kill’n’Sell, Trouble & Strife, and Vexacious D also provided strong defense. But NEO continued to fight the good fight with notable blocking from Amy Warhol N. and particularly quick-and-heavy-hitter Taking Names.
Ohio did put a few more points up, starting in the third jam when they successfully turned a power jam for the Janes into a tied jam. The Zipper scored four points as Phantom Fox escaped from the box, but then was gifted a trip to the penalty box herself courtesy of a major track cut, at which point Ohio scored four before the final whistle, bringing the score to 82-23. But this would not be enough to turn the tide on the runaway scoreboard as the Janes continued laying down the defense and held Ohio scoreless for most of the rest of the half, and the final buzzer showed the board at 121-25.
