Port Authorities 154, Connecticut Stepford Sabotage 79

September 4th, 2010 by PunchyOGuts

photo by Evan Smith

Aug 28, 2010 | Portland Expo

Bout Recap by Average Joe

The atmosphere was electric. Just a week before, the Port Authorities took down the SufferJets with little effort. CT RollerGirl’s Stepford Sabotage, their opponents, returned to the Portland Expo looking for a win. The two teams had met, back in May of 2008, in a relatively low-scoring bout (87-39) in Portland where the Port Authorities claimed victory. The following December, the Port Authorities traveled to Connecticut to steal another win (120-82). While history favored Maine, both teams had made years of strides since that bout, only Connecticut returned with virtually the same roster to find just one familiar face – Punchy O’Guts. The Port Authorities roster saw far more change, which posed a challenge for the new team, up against a solid roster of veteran skaters. The Sabotage returned to Portland with an eleven-skater roster, with one skater injured, which put them down to ten skaters. The Port Authorities, too, rolled with an eleven-skater roster, playing just nine of those skaters regularly.

The Sabotage’s last bout was a heartbreaker at home, falling behind to the DC Rollergirls in the last 2 minutes and losing by a tiny 6 points. One can only assume the loss left a bad taste in their mouths, and the team in pink and green were hell-bent on flipping two scripts on the Port Authorities: righting their own ship and serving up some two-year cold revenge.

After a few love slaps between Port Authorities blockers, the first whistles blew and the Sabotage came out swinging. Murphy’s Outlaw and Luciana Pulverotti successfully shut down PA jammer Shirley B. Slammin’ while their teammate Pearl Jammer flew for a solid eight points. In Jam 2, the Port Authorities counter-punched: PA blocker Fist City Kitty dropped CT jammer Black Cherry, allowing PA jammer Grim D. Mise to take lead status. However, after running into a heavy hit from CT’s Ether Bunny, Grim was forced to call with only 1 point.

In jam 3, PA jammer Spry Icicle faced off against CT jammer C. Mya Rage. Spry forced Rage to the crowded inside of the track and escaped first, but did not earn lead. Rage was called on a major cut, and the PAs switched to all-offense to gain ground. Spry rapidly caught up and entered the pack, but was called on a major cut, well before Rage’s minute penalty was over. Both teams flipped strategy on the fly as Rage burst back onto the track after serving mere seconds. CT successfully created a trap and slowed the pack, but it was right in front of the penalty box where Spry’s shortened penalty expired. She used the route CT created for Rage to put herself back in scoring position. By the end of the jam, Spry picked up four points for Maine, and Rage slipped in one for CT.

During the fourth jam, CT’s Pearl Jammer was knocked off track by PA’s Punchy O’Guts, allowing Punchy’s jammer Grim to grab lead status. However, CT’s defense was a machine and continually clogged the front of the pack, forcing the PAs to play at their speed. Grim and Pearl each scored one. CT’s defense continued to pick up steam through the eighth jam, when CT jammer Rage stretched PA blockers Fist City Kitty and Itsy Bitsy Fighter out of play to get her lead. CT blockers Black Cherry and Murphy’s Outlaw trapped on Kitty and slowed the pack to a crawl. Rage slid through blocks from Spry and Patty O’Mean for what looked like easy points. Murphy’s Outlaw dropped PA blocker Li’l Punisher, who was coming off a penalty, right before the jam ending whistles. It was a 14-0 point jam for Rage, and the Port Authorities found themselves reeling in front of a shocked Expo crowd.

The Port Authorities called a timeout to talk things over and disrupt CT’s rolling momentum. Jam 9 slowed the bleeding for the PAs, as CT’s Milla LowLife was only able to score 3-0 over Grim. In jam 10, the PA’s defense finally found a way to shift into gear. CT jammer Rage, who had been walking all over the PA blockers thus far, found herself hammered off-track by the hard-hitting Patty O’Mean and then again by Fist City Kitty, allowing Spry to grab lead and a critical 9-0 points over CT. The fans came alive. Then Grim scored another 4-0 in jam 11, and CT burned a timeout themselves, unhappy with the change in momentum.

Through the rest of the half both teams locked in defensively. In jam 14, jammer Grim was blasted by CT pivot Luciana Pulverotti, both quick to recover. Grim was still able to grab lead while CT jammer Pearl Jammer was in the box. Maine clamped a trap on CT blocker Black Cherry, but Cherry caught Grim with a hit and pulled back, giving her team time to break the trap. Then the PAs trapped Girl Fawkes, at which point Grim got through for six points. In jam 17, PA blocker Patty O’Mean displayed superb skills holding CT’s jammer Pearl Jammer inside the pack. However, Pearl Jammer flashed excellent two-way player skills of her own by switching to defense and holding jammer Grim in the back of the pack. As Patty dropped back to assist Grim, Pearl burst forward and escaped the pack herself, catching up and forcing Grim to call with only two points. The game switched in CT’s favor, as they scored a 9-0 point differential in the final two jams. The first half ended with two PAs in the box, and CT with the edge of a six-point spread: 46-40.

The second half began with CT in the advantage. Black Cherry jammed around a trapped Itsy Bitsy Fighter for another 8-0 points for CT. After killing the penalties, the PAs recovered a bit in jam 2, with Grim absorbing a hit from Parker Poison to grab lead and four points. In jam 4, CT’s Pearl Jammer hit Grim into a trap, but was then hit herself by PA blockers Itsy Bitsy Fighter and Punchy . CT’s Girl Fawkes drew a back blocking major penalty on Grim by stopping directly in front of her, allowing teammate Pearl Jammer to score a 10-4 differential. Luciana Pulverotti drew another major back block, but only after Fighter scored seven points.

It was evident the PAs had a counter-strategy in jam 7, as blockers Punchy, Patty and Shirley held hands to keep their formation at the front of the pack and conserve energy instead of racing the pack while Fighter, their jammer, rode the penalty clock. Stepford looked to re-establish control in jam 8 as Pearl Jammer scored an 8-3 differential over Li’l Punisher, serving time in the box. In jam 9, the PAs turned to their young gun Grim to make a change. As CT’s Pearl Jammer found herself in trouble with the law Grim used her speed to slide outside of Black Cherry and Luciana for the lead. Milla LowLife escaped a trap attempt, but Grim’s tremendous hustle found open holes and she continued to pile points, as well as drawing an out of play major on Black Cherry. By the end of the jam, Grim had scored 14-0, and the Port Authorities had taken the lead on the scoreboard 78-76.

CT called a timeout, which served them well as they returned to the track with guns blazing. In jam 10, PA jammer Spry was blasted by blockers Milla LowLife and Rage, but still able to recover for lead. CT’s Pearl Jammer followed closely on her heels and was able to snag the two points necessary to tie the game at 78. In the next jam, Grim battled CT’s Murphy’s Outlaw, resulting in a 3-1 point differential favoring the PAs to take back the lead at 81-79.

The Port Authorities called timeout. After a quick conference, Spry lined up on the jammer line against Rage. After the whistle, Spry crashed into the pack, looking for a whip from Punchy, which she received, straight into lead status. Rage was assessed penalty time, leaving Spry as the lone jammer. Patty O’Mean knocked Girl Fawkes off track and the PAs held their ground, allowing Spry to make multiple passes. The CT blockers, confused and slow to react as Spry sprinted through several scoring passes, infuriated their team bench. Near the end of the jam, PA blocker Crystal Whip reached back and threw Spry ahead for last-second points, but the play caused Spry to crash into a blocker and receive a major back block penalty. At the end of the jam, Spry had scored 16-0, making the score 97-79 in favor of Maine, but leaving CT with a power jam.

CT selected Milla LowLife to counter the PA’s momentum, but blockers Patty and Shirley caught Milla near the front of the pack and held on, desperately trying to keep her from gaining lead status. As Milla scrambled to escape, she was assessed a penalty and sent to the box. Furious over the call, she vehemently protested to the referees and fans while making her way to the penalty area. By the time she got there, she had earned two misconduct majors, cancelling CT’s ability to score for the next three crucial minutes in the bout. Meanwhile, Spry returned to the track, and her blockers locked a trap on Luciana. Spry picked up where she left off, drilling point after point on the board for the PAs, while drawing easy penalties on enraged CT skaters. By the time the jam was over, Spry scored a 19-0 point jam, making that 35 points in a row.

Stunned by the growing point spread, CT could not keep composure. As the teams lined up for jam 14, Girl Fawkes pleaded with her bench to send a teammate to fill the line, as they were one blocker short, but the CT bench was too harried to notice. The whistle blew, and it was too late. Grim took full advantage and skated for an easy lead. PA blockers trapped Murphy’s Outlaw, allowing Grim to pile on another 19 points while CT remained jammerless. The home crowd thundered the Expo with elated cheers and applause.

In jam 15, Milla LowLife returned to the track, still fuming, and caused healthy havoc with several vicious, legal hits on the PA blockers. CT did not generate any offense to stop PA jammer Itsy Bitsy Fighter from scoring another 10-0 points. In the next and final jam CT’s Rage grabbed lead, but was sent to the box, leaving Grim as the only jammer on track. With an insurmountable lead in the Port Authorities’ pocket and seconds left in the bout, Grim skated through the pack backwards for the next five points. The Expo crowd roared with excitement, as she returned to the pack to earn another five points before Luciana caught her with a shoulder. Grim called the jam, ending the bout.

Final score: Port Authorities 154, Stepford Sabotage 79.

~Top Scorers~

Stepford Sabotage: Pearl Jammer (38)

Port Authorities: Grim D. Mise (75)

~Most Valuable Players~

Stepford Sabotage: Black Cherry

Port Authorities: Punchy O’Guts

Stepford Sabotage Roster:

Port Authorities Roster:

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Port Authorities 260, SufferJets 62

August 30th, 2010 by PunchyOGuts

Boutcast by Average Joe

August 21^st, 2010. Maine Roller Derby’s Port Authorities offered a public scrimmage in the hopes of warming up their roster to begin a brand new fall season, as well as remind the hardcore fans what they have been missing. A couple new faces made their first ever public appearances on a Maine Roller Derby roster: Iron Matron, a blocker from the Calamity Janes seizing an open roster spot; and Barbara Ambush, a 3-year veteran blocker and jammer from WFTDA Eastern Region #1 ranked Gotham Girls Roller Derby. Their opponents for the evening were the SufferJets, a team from the Ithaca League of Women Rollers who went 2-2 in their last 4 bouts and jumped at the opportunity to test their skills against Maine’s all-star squad.

The bout started cautiously as each team spent many of the initial jams sizing each other up. Jam 1 was uneventful on the scoreboard as SufferJets jammer Mother Pucker took lead over Port Authorities jammer Grim D. Mise, but called before either could score. Spry Icicle followed up for the PA’s by scoring five points to opponent CamArrow’s two. The next two jams were scoreless.

Crystal Whip fired the first unanswered shot for the Port Authorities in jam 5, nabbing the jam lead and scoring a 13-0 point differential over SufferJets Sarabellum. Spry Icicle followed with three more for the PA’s in jam 6. Mother Pucker finally added much needed offense for the SufferJets in jam 7, shaking off stiff shoulder checks from Crystal Whip to grab lead, although still outscored by Maine’s Grim D. Mise 5-4.

The following two jams only got worse for the SufferJets as the Port Authorities defense found their targets. Maine’s Shirley B. Slammin’ blocked from the outside in to open a path for teammate Li’l Punisher to score eight points. Jam 9 was highlighted by stellar blocking from PA’s Barbara Ambush, landing two monster hits on SJ’s Cold War, who eventually left the jam with a knee injury. Grim D. Mise and Punchy O’Guts combined to wreck the SufferJets’ positioning, allowing teammate jammer Crystal Whip to expand on her big night with a huge 25-0 point jam.

The remainder of the half continued the positive trend for Maine. SufferJets defenders Motley Crouton and AKT * 47 held back Port Authorities jammer Spry Icicle momentarily in jam 10, but were quickly split apart by the smash-mouth play of Li’l Punisher. The ferocity increased in the later stages, but the PA’s were ahead in the physical game as well. Barbara Ambush nailed SJ blocker Snarl Marx in jam 12, sending her into the wall, though the play resulted in a fourth minor penalty for Ambush, sending her to the box.

The following jam was a slam dance as SJ jammer Mother Pucker dropped opponent jammer Li’l Punisher, only to be floored herself by an excellent check from Maine’s Grim D. Mise. Motley Crouton caught Li’l Punisher again, keeping lead status open. Finally, Mother Pucker took the lead by slipping away from the oncoming assault of Punchy O’Guts. Pucker scored a 4-0 differential over Li’l Punisher, and seemed to be the biggest offensive missile the SufferJets launched against the Port Authorities. Unfortunately for Ithaca, her efforts were continually defused by excellent Maine jamming as Grim D. Mise (who scored 19-0 in jam 15), Spry Icicle, Crystal Whip and Li’l Punisher combined for 119 points in the first half while the SufferJets labored for 30.

The second half began with Grim D. Mise once again facing off against Mother Pucker. It was a juke fest as both jammers scrambled for lead with Grim narrowly winning the battle. It looked like Pucker would force a quick call, but her wheels betrayed her in the turn and she fell to her kneepads sliding off pace, allowing Grim to score 4-0. Spry Icicle followed with an 11-8 differential over SJ’s CamArrow, as neither had lead status. PA’s Grim D. Mise and Li’l Punisher combined for nine points in jams 3 and 4, while the SJ’s Hootie McBooty and Mother Pucker locked in 2.

Crystal Whip wore the star for Maine in jam 5, taking her signature single knee at the jammer line. She already had a huge first half, kickstarting Maine’s offense and owning the title for the biggest jam of the night so far with 25 points. Crystal was pitted against SJ jammer Sarabellum, who had struggled, but produced the second most points for her team in the first half behind Mother Pucker. The SufferJets needed something big if they had any hope of staying alive, but it could not possibly have gone worse for them. Shortly after the whistle, three of the five-skater line for Ithaca found themselves in the penalty box, including jammer Sarabellum. SufferJets blockers AKT * 47 and Rollin Polanski were alone on the track and quickly caged by Port Authorities Barbara Ambush, Maulie MacKill’em, Grim D. Mise and Punchy O’Guts. The pack stopped dead. Sensing blood in the water, Crystal Whip dug in deep and unloaded round after round on the helpless SufferJets, the intimate crowd exploding louder with each pass. By the time the whistle blew and the gunsmoke cleared, Crystal scored a jaw-dropping 33-0 points. While not part of the official record book, it was the most points in a jam that an MRD crowd had ever been treated to, and they, along with the rest of the Port Authorities bench, rained well-deserved applause on Crystal for her amazing effort.

The SufferJets simply could not get rolling. Maine seemed to have an answer for everything thrown at them. After Crystal’s backbreaking 33 point jam, Spry Icicle added another huge 18-0 point jam for the Port Authorities. Li’l Punisher had a 19-0 point jam of her own in jam 13. Maine’s defense continued to play smart and dominate. While finding themselves down a jammer in jam 7, Barbara Ambush, Porsche DRail Yah, Punchy O’Guts and Crystal Whip successfully raced the pack to avoid giving up any points.

In jam 12, PA’s Barbara Ambush negated SJ’s Sarabellum while teammate Punchy O’Guts whipped jammer Crystal Whip into the jam lead to remain in near total control. In that same jam, a noticeable battle took place between opponent blockers Barbara Ambush and Chairman Meow, who kept each other occupied near the back of the pack. This favored the Port Authorities, as Crystal had lead status and easy access to the pack while keeping the ability to call it at any time. Maine’s tough defense found ways to give themselves the edge throughout the rest of the bout, and was just too much for the SufferJets to overcome. The ladies in gray and red proved they have a bright future, but the night belonged to the Port Authorities who successfully defended their Happy Wheels home away from home from Ithaca’s air raid. Final score: Port Authorities 260, SufferJets 62.

~Top Scorers~

SufferJets: Mother Pucker (30)

Port Authorities: Crystal Whip (92)

~Most Valuable Players~

SufferJets: Mother Pucker

Port Authorities: Barbara Ambush

SufferJets Roster:

Port Authorities Roster:

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Porthouses 119, Tenderloins 118

July 8th, 2010 by PunchyOGuts

Meat Grinder Bout Recap by Average Joe

Maine Roller Derby hosted the Meat Grinder, a public scrimmage on June 20, 2010 at Happy Wheels, to wrap up the home season. Fresh Meat skaters and Calamity Janes players were split into 2 teams: the Porthouses and the Tenderloins. The intra-league bout was hot and meaty with a final score of Porthouses 119, Tenderloins 118.

First period kicked off with the Tenderloins shutting out the Porthouses for the first two jams. Tenderloins jammers Crystal Whip and Toni Stark (aka Maulie MacKillem’) took the first two jam leads and 4 points each, shutting out respective opponent jammers Spry Icicle and Spamela Anderson (aka The Rehabiliskater).

The following jams, the Porthouses chipped away at the score, averaging 2 points per jam as the Tenderloins averaged four-point jams. The Tenderloins continued sizzling, grabbing lead status and control in every one of the first eight jams.

In jam nine, Spry Icicle’s offensive play ignited the Porthouses. With the help of pivot Lez Lemon and blockers Bloody Knuckles Betty, Li’l Punisher and T-Storm, Spry stole the first lead away from the Tenderloins and opposing jammer Crystal Whip, as well as another 8 points. Crystal negated all but 2 of those points by snatching 6 of her own, but the two-point swing indicated a possible shift of momentum.

The next jam, however, Toni Stark crushed the game back into the Tenderloins favor with a big 14 point jam over the Porthouses’ jammer, Spamela Anderson, while she sat in the penalty box. After the first two heavy-hitting jams of the night, the Tenderloins still had the point lead and control.

After some roughly even jams, a strong exchange occurred in jams fifteen and sixteen. In jam fifteen, Crystal Whip took the lead and 10 points away from Spry Icicle, who could not get around the defense of BIF Curtains, Mary Jane Pain Train and Porsche D Rail Yah to score for the Porthouses. In the next jam, Porterhouse Li’l Punisher answered in her only jam as jammer by taking lead and 9 points, assisted by Bloody Knuckles Betty, Lez Lemon, Mae Snap and Spry Icicle, who shut out the Tenderloins. It was their first major jump toward closing the gap.

In jam 17 Spry Icicle fed Li’l Punisher’s fire by taking another 12-0 point jam for the Porthouses as Tenderloin jammer Iron Matron was sent to the penalty box trip. At the end of the half, the the score was 67 – 48 in favor of the Tenderloins.

Period two started with a scramble for lead, won by Crystal Whip. Although Crystal had lead, Porthouses’ Spry Icicle was close by and scored 2 points to Crystal’s one before the jam was called. In jam two, Toni Stark took the line for the Tenderloins and once again wrestled control away from the Porthouses by scoring 4 unanswered points, ending a potential landslide and giving her team a little room to breathe. The score was 72 – 50, in favor of the Tenderloins.

Caution seemed to take over through the early jams of the second half, as neither team’s defense gave up more than 1 point differential over the next 5 jams. At the start of jam eight, the Porthouses were down by 24. Jammer Spamela Anderson had been pressure-cooked for most of the night by the Tenderloins hearty defense. As the jam was underway, opponent blockers Mary Jane Pane train and Toni Stark and jammer Lady Gay Gay all were sent off to serve penalty time. Perhaps this was just the space Spamela needed for her latest endowments, as she proceeded to score 13 points to the Tenderloins 0 and cut the point gap in half. Spry Icicle followed in the next jam with another 12 points over Crystal Whip’s 4. Though it wasn’t quite tied, in 2 jams, the Porthouses had closed the gap.

The next two jams played out evenly, but Spamela Anderson scored another 7 unanswered points in jam 12, this time with 2 of her teammates in the penalty box. A wave of murmurs and applause rippled through the crowd. The Porthouses, who had been behind all game, by 38 points at one point, had come back to take their first lead of the night, 94 – 88.

Tempo picked up and the teams shifted to an offensive focus. The Tenderloins refused to panic and racked up safely-played points over the next two jams from jammers Lady Gay Gay and Toni Stark. At jam 14, the score was even at 97, with mere minutes to go.

Crystal Whip went for the kill in jam 15, scoring a searing 15 points (the most for a single jam in the entire bout). Spry Icicle chased her down for the Porthouses and cancelled out 7 of those points, however, Crystal still had taken the lead back for the Tenderloins, 112 – 104. Spamela Anderson sliced the gap again by 2 points in jam 16.

Less than 3 minutes remained as Tenderloins Toni Stark lined up against Porthouses Spry Icicle for jam 17. Toni, who was a major offensive force for the Tenderloins, was directed to the penalty box mid jam, leaving Spry Icicle as the only jammer on the track. The Tenderloins knew their lead was in trouble, and the crowd jumped to the edge of their seats. Spry Icicle rounded the track for 13 points, stealing the lead back with seconds remaining and a score of 119 – 112 in favor of the Porthouses.

Jam 18, the final jam, kicked off with Tenderloins’ Iron Matron jamming against Porthouses’ Spamela Anderson, who was sent to the box. The Tenderloins scrambled to capitalize. Jammer Iron Matron needed 8 points to win for the Tenderloins. The Porthouses defense was tight, attempting to burn the clock, but after some struggling, Matron busted through, but not lead jammer. Time ticked away on Spamela’s penalty as Matron dug deep to get in position to tally. She slid through the Porthouses defense for a grand-slam score of 5 points. Matron scrambled around to score again, but Spamela was released and ripped toward the track. With fresh legs, she reached the pack first, careful not to take a minor penalty and lose her eligibility for lead. Matron approached the back of the pack as Spamela desperately tried to get lead status. Matron entered the pack. Two whistles blasted. Spamela earned lead jammer status. Matron scored one point ,and Spamela called the jam. Game over: 119 – 118.

The Porthouses had just barely held on to their lead for a victory over the Tenderloins in the closest, most exciting exhibition bout finish in MRD history. One thing is for sure: if this is an indication of the future of Maine Roller Derby… and it is… then we have thrilling sports action on the horizon, and new stars on the rise. Want more? Well, now you know where to get it.

~Top Scorers~

Tenderloins: Crystal Whip (49)

Porthouses: Spry Icicle (65)

~Most Valuable Players~

Tenderloins: Iron Matron

Porthouses: Li’l Punisher

Tenderloins Roster:

Porthouses Roster:

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Calamity Janes 157, Hellions of Troy 85

June 16th, 2010 by PunchyOGuts

Janes

Bout re-cap by Average Joe

On June 12th 2010, Maine Roller Derby’s Calamity Janes returned to the Portland Expo. After a hard-fought win over Massachusett’s Petticoat Punishers, the Janes were looking to keep their home fans happy and continue their success. Their opponents for the night would be the Hellions of Troy: a sophomore-year WFTDA league active since October 2008. This was the 3rd straight away bout for the Hellions this year, counting a losing effort against Central NY Roller Derby in April and another loss to the Utica Roller Girls in May. Although the Hellions may have been road-weary, they showed no signs and invaded the expo in Hellion hot pink ready to show what they had learned. Both teams brought a blend of experienced and new skaters to what was sure to be an exciting matchup. As they placed their first lines in position, it was clear the Expo wasn’t big enough for the both of them.

The action was quick and methodical from the get go, with both teams executing well (and giving me a lot to talk about). In Jam 1, the Hellions got a kick start with jammer Shockratease grabbing lead. Janes jammer Spry Icicle broke loose quickly after and closed the gap, forcing Shockratease to call the jam but sneaking in one point for the Janes. The following jam, Janes blocker Mary Jane Pain Train had the Hellions Sonic Euthanizer and Doc Bi O’Hazard on the her outside heading into the turn and plowed them both to the floor, allowing teammate jammer Crystal Whip to hop through for lead and 8 points. Hellions jammer Sinful Pleasures nabbed 4 points to give the Hellions their first offense.

In jam 3, Hellions powerhouse Flexi Wheeler pulled the star helmet cover on and shook off ferocious hits from Janes blockers Bloody Knuckles Betty and WrexZilla to grab the lead and 2 unanswered points away from Janes jammer the Rehabiliskater, whose consecutive lead jam hot streak was abruptly ended at 4. Sonic Euthanizer followed it up with another 4 points for the Hellions. It looked as if HoT were making a play for momentum, but in jam 5, the Janes blockers tightened up yet again to cancel the swing: Janes jammer Crystal Whip capitalized on whips from teammates Gunner Hands-Off and WrexZilla for 7 points, 3 more than her jam opponent Shockratease.

Jam 7 was a nail biter as Bloody Knuckles Betty, Li’l Punisher and Sally Mae Hurt You repeatedly gave their opposing jammers nightmares with last-second hits that forced them back into the pack and left the jam lead up for grabs. Spry Icicle would finally bust through for the jam lead and 4 points. The jam started what would end up being a long roll for the Calamity Janes, earning 57 points over the Hellions’ 13 in jams 7 through 15.

The offensive run for the Janes was punctuated by great defense, including massive hits from Lez Lemon and Mary Jane Pain Train, and terrific positional play from Maulie MacKill’em and Mae Snap, who practically immobilized opposing pivot Reading Rambo in jam 11. In the final jam of the half, Sinful Pleasures stopped the bleeding for the Hellions by taking advantage of a penalty to Spry Icicle and scoring 5 points. It was a much needed shot in the arm that the Hellions could only hope would last through the intermission. At the break, the Calamity Janes had a healthy, but hardly safe lead with a score of 73 – 35.

Tension was high on the track at the start of the 2^nd period. The Hellions could not afford to give up another hot streak, nor did the Calamity Janes want to leave the door open for a comeback. Shockratease and Spry Icicle would jam for the opening jam once again. Play was tight, and Shockratease was called on a major back block penalty, The opportunity was open for the Janes to skate a backbreaker jam, and Spry Icicle did not disappoint: kicking the spurs in, Spry raced for 18 points, throwing a textbook juke around Sallie Mae Hurt You in the process and earning the honors of most points in a single jam for the night.

Things looked bleak for the Hellions, but Sinful Pleasures once again neutralized the momentum by matching Crystal Whip’s 8 points in the following jam. The Janes made a play to take it again in jam 4 when Porsche DRail Yah landed a well-executed hit on Hellions’ pivot Sinful Pleasures that revealed a path for Spry Icicle to grab 3 more points, but was quickly cancelled again in the next jam by Shockratease scoring 4 unanswered points for HoT, throwing some nice moves around Janes defenders Maulie MacKill’em and WrexZilla. Sinful Pleasures followed it up with 7 more points in jam 6. The Hellions seemed to be picking up steam at just the right time.

Spry Icicle did her best to wrangle the control back in jam 7 by scoring 10 points to Shockratease’s 4, but the Hellions realized that if they were going to make a comeback, it had to start now. Short Temper and Kitty Porn took 4 points each in the next 2 jams while the Janes were kept scoreless. However, the momentum was short-lived as Spry Icicle scored another 13 points for the Janes in jam 10, taking advantage of the penalty-ridden Hellions, as 4 out of 5 of them had served some time in the box during that jam.

HoT veteran and captain Flexi Wheeler sensed time was running low as she lined up against Crystal Whip on the jam line for jam 11. At the whistle, she took off like a bullet, hammering the smaller Crystal off the track and roaring to the pack. There, she ran into the Janes defense, pivoted by Lez Lemon, which gave her more trouble than she anticipated. As Flexi desperately battled with Maulie MacKill’em, Mae Snap and Li’l Punisher, Crystal Whip quietly recovered from the earlier hit and slipped her way through the pack to earn lead for the Janes. Flexi’s fiery play would then earn her a trip to the “Not OK Corral,” and Crystal would nab 5 points to effectively snap the Hellions’ hopes for a comeback shut.

From there, the Janes kept a safe pace to finish out the game, but as with all bouts so far, the action never stopped. In jam 14, Sinful Pleasures closed her game out with a bang by scraping 10 more impressive points for the Hellions, but was nearly matched by opponent Crystal Whip scoring 9, which was all the Janes needed. The next jam would be the final, and Shockratease would earn lead over the Rehabiliskater, nabbing 4 points to Rehab’s 2. It was a remarkable push for the Hellions, but not enough to overcome the lead that the Janes took in the first half, and the CJs once again skated off into the sunset with a victory, improving their season to 2 wins, 1 loss. Final score: 157 – 85.

~Top Scorers~

Calamity Janes: Spry Icicle (93)

Hellions of Troy: Sinful Pleasures (45)

~Most Valuable Players~

Calamity Janes: Spry Icicle

Hellions of Troy: Shockratease

Calamity Janes Roster:

Hellions of Troy Roster:

Not to be lost in the recap of great derby action was a cause for concern involving Hellions of Troy skater Sally Mae Hurt You. In jam 14 of the second period, Sally fell without any visible interference on the track. She quickly removed herself from play and collapsed near the HoT bench where she was tended to by EMTs and Dr. Gasher through the rest of the game and MVP celebrations, and later stretchered to a waiting ambulance. We are not aware of the severity of Sally’s injuries, but Maine Roller Derby would like to wish her a speedy recovery and continued success along with the rest of the Hellions of Troy.

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