Port Authorities Defeat Harrisburg 273-44

photo by Kevin Neales

Maine Roller Derby’s All-Stars returned home to Portland… with authority.

April 25, 2010 marked the first home bout of the season for Maine’s Port Authorities, still stinging from a decisive loss in Steel City. Harrisburg Area Roller Derby’s Nuclear Knockouts radiated into the Portland Expo, also fresh off a loss to the DC Rollergirls All-Stars. Both teams were hungry for a victory to turn their seasons around.

Whistles blew, and the ladies in neon green sought to establish the pace early by sending jammer Rainbow’s Revenge to the front first and earning the first lead jam. However, Port Authorities jammer Grim D. Mise quickly tailed and overtook Revenge, making it to the back of the pack first and scoring 5 points to the Nuclear Knockout’s 2.

This was not the start that the Knockouts were looking for, and they seemingly amped up the physicality in an attempt to re-establish the fleeting control they had in the first jam. In jam 2, Nuclear Knockout’s Anita Blade landed an impressively crushing sternum block to Port Authorities jammer Shirley B. Slammin’, dropping her dead in her tracks. Much to the Knockout’s dismay, the shot only seemed to motivate Miss Slammin’, and with the KO’s jammer Skate Edge sent to the box on a major cut, Shirley was able to make 4 passes for 20 points, establishing a new MRD record for points in an official jam and sending the crowd into a frenzy.

Things only seemed to get harder for the Knockouts as the Authorities players gelled together and began feeding off the excitement of the loyal home crowd. Minor penalties began to rack up on the Knockouts scoresheet as they began throwing everything they could at the Port Authorities in a desperate attempt to break their rhythm. Neve Cannibal, Rainbow’s Revenge and Auska the Ouch provided some much needed offense for the Knockouts in jams 4, 6, and 8 respectively, but were continually drowned out by stellar jamming from Maine’s Itsy Bitsy Fighter, Olive Spankins, Grim D. Mise, Killer Quick, and Shirley B. Slammin’. Midway through the first half, Maine’s defense clamped in as well. Pivots Punchy O’ Guts, Itsy Bitsy Fighter, Killer Quick and Fist City Kitty led their blocking lines effectively and kept the Knockouts to 2 points in the last 8 jams of the first half. The score at halftime was 148-23.

After the intermission, the Knockouts, realizing they had to get something going and living up to their pre-bout mantra to play “HARD,” were not going down without a fight. With nothing to lose, the physical game was spiked yet again at the start of the second half. Minor and major penalties practically spilled off the page, however the KO’s strategy did provide some success as Zinnemon Crush, Skate Edge, Auska the Ouch and Madhouse Mexi picked up at least 1 point in the first 6 jams of the second half. Unfortunately for the rallying Knockouts, the Port Authorities were easily making up for those points during those same jams, highlighted most noticeably by veteran Maine jammer Olive Spankins decimating the defense for 24 points while opposing jammer Skate Edge was serving time in the box. The jam set a new MRD record for points in a jam, taking the title from Shirley B. Slammin’, who had earned it herself 17 jams prior.

As the Nuclear Knockouts minors and major penalties added up and began leaving them shorthanded for extended periods of time, their hard-hitting strategy seemed to fall apart and the Port Authorities began ticking point after unanswered point in front of the ecstatic crowd. Frustrations may have gotten the best of the Knockouts during the bout, but as the final jam wound down, they exhibited the camaraderie and respect that comes with being a true derby team, and were deservedly applauded by the Maine crowd for their efforts. The packed house got all of their money’s worth as the Port Authorities improved their season record to 1–1, and both teams put on an excellent show. Final score: 273-44.

Top Scorers:
Nuclear Knockouts: Auska the Ouch (12)
Port Authorities: Grim D. Mise (89)

Most Valuable Players:
Nuclear Knockouts: Skate Edge
Port Authorities: Punchy O’ Guts

Port Authorities Roster:
Crystal Whip | Fist City Kitty | Grim D. Mise | Itsy Bitsy Fighter | Killer Quick | Lez Lemon | Lois Blow | Olive Spankins | Punchy O'Guts | The Rehabiliskater | Shirley B. Slammin' | WrexZilla

H.A.R.D Roster:
Anida Blade | Auska the Ouch | Bamm Bamm Brewskie | Kraze Bones | Lady of Blocksley | Madhouse Mexi | Merry Khaos | Neve Cannibal | Rainbows Revenge | Ruthless Sailor | Skate Edge | Trixie Twelve Gauge | Zinnemon Crush

- Average Joe



Dec. 13

Port Authorities Defeat CT Stepford Sabotage 120-82

The Port Authorities traveled to Woodbridge, CT on December 13th for a rematch against CT RollerGirls savage all-stars the Stepford Sabotage. The Sabotage once again lived up to their name by providing 60 minutes of brutal, teeth-rattling competition, with monster hits and speedy replacement blocking leading their charge. But the Port Authorities dished it out as well as they received it, and the smart and savvy teamwork from Maine earned them a victory in an extremely hard-fought bout. MRD sends much gratitude and respect to the Sabotage and for the gracious hosting by CT RollerGirls.
Read a recap of this bout, including statistics here:
http://www.mikedidonato.com/2008/12/15/seasons-beatings-iii/

MRD Volunteers for the Maine Public Broadcasting Network

Several members of MRD volunteered during the on-air television pledge drive for the Maine Public Broadcasting Network (MPBN). The intrepid volunteers answered phone calls from people who wanted to support MPBN, and managed to entertain the staff and other volunteers in the process. Please consider visiting MPBN.net and supporting this valuable local resource by volunteering or becoming a member.




 

Calamity Janes Defeat New Hampshire Roller Derby, 241-14

The Calamity Janes chalked up a huge victory on Saturday September 27th, handily defeating New Hampshire Roller Derby's Skate Free or Die 241 - 14. The fans who trudged through the rainy evening for a seat in the Expo were served up an exciting and fun game, great music from Miss Fairchild, and divine spinning by the inimitable DJ rocket.one. This was the Janes' third bout and NH's first. The Skate Free or Die skaters played hard and never backed down for a second, and the sportswomanship of both teams showed. The Janes' training over the summer and fall was evident and paid off in spades with excellent teamwork, endurance, and thoughtful and tough play across the entire roster, with MVP's being awarded to Fist City Kitty, blocker for the Janes, and Dee Stortion, blocker/jammer for NH.

#30 Maine Dismisses Montreal, 185-59

From Derby News Network, by P. Venom of Boston Derby Dames
[EXCERPT]
On September 13th, Maine Roller Derby's #30 ranked Port Authorities hosted Montreal's non-WFTDA travel team with the campy moniker of New Skids on the Block -- and sent the Canadians back over the border on the business end of a 185-59 defeat.

On paper, the histories of the two leagues appeared to make them a comparable match-up. Both leagues started in the spring of 2006, are comprised of roughly 30 skaters, and have had a similar rate of success in interleague play over the past year. However, the disparity in interleague opponents seems to have given Maine's Port Authorities a hand up.
Read the rest of the recap at 

Calamity Janes - 66, Hudson Valley Horrors, 69 The Calamity Janes' second bout was another down-to-the-wire finish, with the Hudson Valley Horrors coming out ahead by a scant three points at the final buzzer.

The game started with two swift and brutal jams in which the Janes' offense could not break the defensive blocking by the Horrors, leaving them 15 – 1 at the end of jam two after an 11 point jam by the speedy and savvy Horror jammer Lolita LeBruise. In jam three the Janes started a slow rally and started winning jams, keeping the Horrors from scoring in four out of the next seven jams and narrowing the deficit to eight points by the time the clock hit a little more than halfway through the period. The first period ended with the Janes leading by one point, 36 – 37, with 25 of those points scored by Janes' jammer Itsy Bitsy Fighter.

The second period saw both teams struggling with penalties, and the score was often tight with the Horrors in the lead despite their jammers frequently hitting the penalty box. The Horrors consistently demonstrated tough replacement blocking that kept the Janes constantly struggling to get their jammers through without sacrificing their hold on the Horror jammers, particularly Lolita LeBruise and Rough Gem. But the Janes put up a gritty fight of their own with tenacious blocking by all, particularly Trouble&Strife, Jeni-vicious, Wrex Zilla, and Fist City Kitty. Also notable was the scrappy jamming by Maulie MacKillem, The Zipper, and especially Itsy Bitsy Fighter, who once again scored the lion's share of the second period points. As the period neared its end, the Horrors lead 69 – 62. The Janes held them at 69 for three jams, including a zero-sum second-to-last jam, but by the final whistle they had only come within three points of the Horrors, who captured the win at 69 – 66.

Calamity Janes 61, Killah Bees 63 The derby fans at the Portland Expo were treated to an edge-of-the-seat, bite-the- nails-to-the-quick game when the Maine Roller Derby Calamity Janes and the Providence Killah Bees took to the track on Saturday, June 7th. The game ended in a whirlwind of two furious - and ultimately confusing - overtime jams that had fans and skaters alike whipped into a frenzy.

This was the first bout for the Calamity Janes, Maine's junior varsity team, and the Killah Bees are a relatively new team for Providence Roller Derby as well. The Janes' initial nerves were clear in the first jam when they struggled with trying to crack the Bees' three-skater wall as Bee jammer Jetta Von Diesel quickly gained lead and scored two grandslams, while the Janes' jammer Trouble & Strife was not able to break the pack. From there the Janes quickly turned their jitters around and held the Bees scoreless in the next six jams. In jam six Janes' jammer Tinker Tank risked the outside corner on her first pass and hopped around a big hit to land lead jammer, and then went on to score 4 while the Bees' Barbie Biturate was stuck in the pack behind Janes blockers A-Block and Roxxy Retribution. By the time the whistle blew in jam seven, the Janes were leading with a score of 25-10. But the last three jams of the period saw the Bees starting to turn it around, and despite some solid offensive blocking by the Janes' Jenni-vicious the Bees earned lead and held the Janes scoreless for the last three jams, ending the first period with only a six point deficit, 25-19.

The Bees continued their upswing in the start of the second period when the Janes' jammer Maulie MacKillem was inches away from lead status, but hit the floor at the last second and got sucked back into the fray. Fo' Shizzy Borden then zipped through for lead and the Bees held Maulie in the pack while Shizzy skated a double-grandslam and put the Bees in the lead 25 – 29. The next several jams traded a tight lead back and forth, with Itsy Bitsy Fighter of the Janes scoring a smooth 5 in jam two, and then the Bees coming back in the third jam when Jetta Von Diesel took out Janes' jammer Maulie MacKillem, allowing Fo' Shizzy to score three and take the lead 32-30. But the next jam put the Janes back in a slim lead, and they stayed there for the rest of the period, ending at 49 – 35.

Third period once again started with some solid scoring jams by the Bees. The home crowd cheered as Jenni-vicious of the Janes took out jammer Jetta Von Diesel, but that didn't stop Jetta from recovering and scoring a grandslam before the whistle blew. The next jam had the crowd moaning as Shelby Bruisin' ruthlessly battered Janes' jammer Tinker Tank, knocking her down twice and helping the Bees to a 6-0 jam. The Bees' smart pack control was a factor in getting their jammer through a number of times, and they held the Janes at 57 while they while they slowly picked away at their deficit. Jam ten saw Fo Shizzy' Borden knock down Janes jammer Itsy Bitsy Fighter, allowing Jetta Von Diesel to score 2 and bring the score even at 57-57 before Jenni-vicious cleaned her out. With only 23 seconds left on the clock, neither team was able to score any more points in the final jam and the game went into overtime.

Both teams sent out their star jammers of the night - Itsy Bitsy Fighter for the Janes and Jetta Von Diesel (also a notable blocker) for the Bees. Both teams scored 4 on the first pass but got sucked back into the pack. After much struggle Jetta broke free first and lapped around to score two more points, with Fighter approaching the pack for her second scoring pass. With just 17 seconds left, Shelby Bruisin' was knocked into the stands and the jam was called due to injury. After a long pause for referee review of the rules, which did not clearly address situations when an overtime jam does not go the full two minutes, the points from the previous jam were scrapped and both teams hit the track for one more overtime jam. Fighter and Jetta toed the jammer line once again, and the crowd was on its feet. Both jammers scored 4 hard-earned points on their first pass, but as Jetta tried to make it out of the front of the pack Wrex Zilla came out of nowhere and knocked her down, forcing her to fight her way back through the pack again. This allowed Fighter to lap around and score another 4 before the buzzer sounded, with the crowd on its feet and screaming the whole way.

The final scoreboard showed 61 – 57 with a win for the Janes, but the win was later amended to have been for the Bees, the confusion having been due to the lack of clarity in the rules regarding overtime jams. The final official score was 61 – 63 in the Bees' favor, due to a ref scoring decision made between the two overtime jams that was not communicated to the audience and teams until after the game. Despite the disappointing confusion, fans and skaters alike agreed it was one of, if not the most exciting game they'd ever seen or played.

The evening saw notable jamming by Maulie MacKillem and particularly Itsy Bitsy Fighter, who was awarded MVP for the Janes and scored an unbelievable 37 out of the 61 points. The Bees hammered out a number of bruising jammer takedowns, particularly by Violent Vixxen, who was voted Bees' MVP, as well as by Jetta Von Diesel and Barbie Biturate. The event was rounded out by the robotic-dance sounds of Feel It Robot, and as always the stellar bout music by We Push Buttons.

Port Authorities Undefeated at Home! Maine 87, CT 39 Maine Roller Derby’s all-star Port Authorities played the final game of their spring season against CT Stepford Sabotage Saturday, May 17, and won 87-39. It was the fledgling league’s second consecutive undefeated home season.

Olive Spankins kicked off the bout for the Port Authorities, taking lead jammer and scoring four points against CT’s Pearl Jammer. The Sabotage quickly came back when Syd Rock took lead jammer in the second jam and scored the team’s first two points, while her teammate Eleanor Bruisevelt had a jammer take-down on Killer Quick.

Killer Quick, the Port Authorities’ MVP for the second consecutive bout, called the fifth jam after using a maneuver similar to a hockey stop to just get her hips in front of the foremost Sabotage blocker to score the fourth point. Killer Quick used this move several times throughout the night. She played a clean game, only earning two minor penalties the entire night despite jamming 16 times and taking lead 9 of those times.

Similarly, the Sabotage’s super-speedy Pearl Jammer jammed 17 times for Sabotage and was only tagged with two minors.

The second period began at 30-9. Maine and CT would trade lead almost every other jam for the remainder of the second period, ending the period 60-27. The point-spread did not begin to reflect the nail-biter feel of the aggressive, fast-paced skating on the track.

The Sabotage were playing furious defense, but sometimes left their jammers to fend for themselves while the Authorities’ jammer was in the pack, allowing the Authorities’ solid-and-savvy defensive blockers, notably Punchy O’Guts, The Mom Bomb, Miss Creant, and Jones’N, to hold the skillful Sabotage jammers long enough to give their own jammers significant leads. The Sabotage were still able to break the pack and their quick jammers most often kept Maine from attempting second scoring passes.

Olive Spankins started the third period scoring four points in spite of having one of her blockers in the box and another being taken down by Connecticut’s Girl Fawkes. In the fifth jam, Syd Rock obtained lead status and scored three points with one of her blockers in the box. Although Pearl Jammer and Syd Rock were able to score 6 points for Connecticut over the last four jams, Killer Quick and Olive Spankins scored a total of 9 points in the same jams, ending the bout 87-39.

Black Cherry was named MVP for Connecticut – she had the highest offense and defense score as a blocker for her team, pivoting much of the night. In the one jam she played jammer, she obtained lead status for her team.

High scorers for the night were Olive Spankins with 41 points and Syd Rock with 22 points.

A huge thank you goes as always to our incredible fans, especially all the little kids asking for autographs – you are the coolest! And of course to DJ Matty T of WePushButtons for making us dance in our skates, to Lady Kensington & the Beatlords for playing great music, and last but far from least to CT and all the refs for making the whole thing possible.

Maine Roller Derby’s Port Authorities defeated the Long Island Roller Rebels 208 to 22 at the Portland Expo on Saturday, May 3rd.

The Port Authorities took an 8-0 lead in the first jam, and maintained the lead the entire night.

In the third jam, Amaretto Sour Puss was the first Long Island jammer to secure lead status. She scored the team’s first three points. Long Island would not get lead jammer again until the third jam of the second period, when Regine Bull beat Daisy Cutter off the line. During that jam, Captain Morgan – Long Island’s MVP for the night – took Daisy Cutter down twice. Long Island lost lead status, however, when Regine Bull was sent to the penalty box.

The Port Authorities secured lead jammer status in 27 jams. Rough Gem, a substitute from the Hudson Valley Horrors, would help Long Island secure lead in the last jam of the second period, and first and fourth jams of the third period.

The Port Authorities’ recent focus on teamwork showed and paid off for the team – especially the training for jams when teammates are in the penalty box. During the sixth jam of the second period, with Daisy Cutter and Miss Creant in the penalty box, blockers Lois Blow and Punchy O’Guts managed to help Olive Spankins score 10 points and keep the opposing jammer from scoring any points.

Although Long Island was playing with substituted players, they were quick to form team spirit. In the second jam of the third period, Long Island showed great teamwork when Pinky Swears, Puffy Bangs, and Cyanide Kisses held jammer Olive Spankins until they were called out of play. In the fifth jam of that period, Amaretto Sour Puss and Naughtia Knives helped their jammer earn 4 points while Captain Morgan and D-Ball were in the box.

Punchy O’Guts had five jammer take-downs for the Port Authorities; Captain Morgan had three jammer take-downs for Long Island. Top scoring jammer for the Port Authorities was Olive Spankins, scoring a total of 82 points. Long Island’s top scoring jammer was Rough Gem, scoring 10 points.

Killer Quick, who jammed 11 times, racked up a total of 72 points for the Port Authorities and secured lead all but one time, was named MVP for Maine. Captain Morgan, a formidable defensive force throughout the night, was named MVP for Long Island.

A huge thanks goes to all the fans that came out and cheered their faces off, to The Rocket of WePushButtons for making us dance in our skates, to Edith Jones Project for being amazing and playing the roller derby song, and most of all to Long Island for making the trip and being wicked cool on the track and off.

Thanks also to the refs who traveled far and wide to call us out on our elbows and send us to the naughty box - Psycho Billy, Mr. Rawk, Snarls-in-Charge, Ian Fluenza and Fresh Eddie Fresh.

Port Authorities defeat Rhode Island Riveters 75 - 64 Maine Roller Derby fans were treated to a nail-biter of a season-opener on Saturday April 12th when the Port Authorities took down the Rhode Island Riveters, 75 - 64. The Port Authorities anticipated an extremely tough match-up against such a stellar, WFTDA-ranked team, and they kicked their training into turbo-overdrive to prepare.

The sweat, bruises, and sleepless nights paid off at the Expo this Saturday, as 1100 fans cheered their hometown rollergirls on. It was a tight game from first whistle to last, but the Port Authorities regulated from the get-go and maintained the lead from the 3rd jam of the night to the very end. Most Valuable Player awards were graciously bestowed upon the Riveters' blocker/jammer double-time-threat Crazy Dukes, and the Authorities' tenacious offensive blocker Lois Blow.

The event was rounded out with the dance-tastic tunes of Lovewhip, and the dj-skills of The Rocket of We Push Buttons.